Ephemeral is the late afternoon sun. In autumn and spring colors are fleeting. Light passes over all life, a gentle hand grazing the tops of wheatgrass. Such a romance. Infatuated until dusk when a sliver of light caresses the earth and leaves me standing in the field.
Tag Archives: mindfulness
Looking Out, Looking In

I have a bone to pick, but it sticks in my throat a fish rib I keep eating with no hope of digesting. There’s no point to the rant I offer you. That’s what makes me wring my hands with an emotional wash that still smells of fumes and rotted fish. I know the answers you’ll give me to every question I could ask. So why ask?
Knowledge is a devil if there ever was one. Gives you comfort while it steals your security in endless mind games you can’t stop tricking yourself with. I hate you for filling my head with the knowledge of who I am. Light and gold. Miracles and love. I look down at my costume and want to rip it till I’m naked. I can’t escape my frightened thoughts that burn me in a lava flow, erupting in my brain and filling my mouth with an eager malice. You could have told me in the beginning that ignorance was not only bliss, but a quaalude cocktail that would’ve left me sleeping; a contented mongrel, in a sewer heap that knows no better. Now a youthful, hungry anger boils in my belly and it’s more bitter than death no matter how many times I swallow it down. But there be the rub. Poison is best drawn out and all wounds must be opened to cleanse them of their infection. That is how I feel: raw, open, infected with my own awareness of thoughts that poison my spirit.
For the love of me, you say. It was my choice you announce and I could beat you within an inch of my own life if I weren’t plagued by the truth in it. It eats at my mind until I’m smashing the beds and tearing up my brakes in the car. You should’ve told me to leave when I came through the door. You should have said the price for awakening is sanity.
A work in progress from The Writer’s Church hosted by Marj Hahne. Piece Inspired by “Dear Corporation” by Adam Fell.
Images from a Train: Vacancy
Vacant were the eyes that stared back at me from rotting sills. A wave of isolation and loneliness pervaded my thinking and I pulled back a bit from the train window. I felt the desertion like oil seeping from toxic barrels sinking into my chest. Small town death, I mused and the end of the family farm.
Then the briefest flutter of something at the top window of a grain elevator caught my eye and the thought of a barn owl nesting in the eaves came to mind. How easily this lead to the sound of mice squeaking below the warped floor boards and the pondering of a raccoon sleeping atop an air vent. Bees work to winter in a broken tractor engine, as geese munched on the grasses growing from past year’s feed. My inner vision shifted, just a hair, and I looked more closely as the peeling paint rusting pipes. Something about the decay creating a curious beauty that was consuming all that passed before me.
I see now it was my own isolation and loneliness that I saw in the darkened windows. It was my own decay that pervaded my thoughts. As the pigeons left the rooftop of the silo and squirrels darted along the fence of the abandoned feed lot, I saw it was not life that was missing from these places, it was fear of death that was haunting me.
The Caress
Leaving work it started to rain. I turned, intending to go back in and take the causeway to the parking garage. Save myself a drenching, I thought. As I turned, I felt the coolness of the air that was ushering in the rain caress my cheek. Just a second, really. It lingered upon my face, before my hand touched the door handle and I stopped to turn back into it. Fresh and full of that summer rain, which now dropped in big, slow drops upon my head.
Surely, I’ll get wet walking to the car, I told myself. Hair will be a mess and you’ll ruin this leather bag, said the always cautious, always organized part of my brain. Still, I couldn’t resist the feeling. A curious intimacy of being touched by the weather, for it was a caress, of that I’m sure. A delicious taunting of a lover to come back to bed. The wind was begging me to stay. So I left the door closed and walked out into that summer rain and let myself fall in love.
Algae
It seeps and bubbles with oxygen and fermenting life from last season and rot… oh there is definitely rot. Dead leaves, sticks, bugs, old fish. It is a soup of color and life that smells earthy and pungent. I watch a water bug crawl across its surface. I cannot tell if it searches for food or is its food. Mosquitos swarm above me, but I tell them I’m busy. They’ll have to dine elsewhere. Most listen, anyway. I love ponds, streams and strange pools of water that life springs out of; moist, hot and teaming with all manner of crawling and swimming things. Sometimes they’re creepy and beautiful, other times decayed and rich.
I grew up on a lake in a neighborhood of mostly boys. I had five brothers. I caught toads and snatched up frogs with a stealth a stork would envy. Salamanders and crawfish were my favorite, but they’re tricky. Not easy to find in fresh water streams and under rocks. I never killed anything. I just liked to catch them and look at their beauty. Flying crickets, Daddy Long Legs, praying mantises, rolly pollies and aphids. Furry night moths, lightning bugs, and long earth worms. Tadpoles, sunnies and catfish. Pike, sometimes, snappers often and boxed turtles on occasion. Once a copperhead snake swam alongside me on the lake and scared me half to death. Their bite is most unpleasant. Smores by the campfire invited a troupe of ants to visit my sleeping bag one night. I have never screamed so loud in all my life.
I spent a lot of time alone as a child. I was often lonely, but never bored. My capacity for make-believe had me in trouble for daydreaming, over the course of my school years, more often than I can count. I enticed a chipmunk into my lap with nothing but my hands, once, and then spun a story of a monk village guarded by dragon and damselflies. I regaled my furry friend with my story, but it only slept. Little heartbeat beating like wild horses in its breast. I couldn’t understand why I never quite fit in anywhere and in my early years thought of my younger self always the odd man out. Or, in this case, odd girl out.
I stare into the percolating algae that festers with life and imagine the gnats and mosquitos are angels that follow me everywhere I go. I am the princess of a swamp and they are my guardians. What is there to do? Bugs and birds may swarm, but never princesses. They always seem to travel alone.
Explosion of Life
I am an explosion of life
A quasar in a inky, black Universe
Demanding my light ignite the night
I give forth the cool spring fed spot in a warm summer lake
As the trout leaps to the dancing of the gnat
I am pregnant with the pregnant pause
Spinning wildly the eye of the storm turning as a dreidel
The gush of air on the inhalation before the soprano’s note
And the loud guffaw of the homeless man careening on the curb
I am a butterfly clawing out of the chrysalis
And the caterpillar spinning my cocoon
Dew drips from my leaves
Sparkling diamonds on spider’s web
As headlights flood the interstate
Sucking out silence, an undertow with no bottom
I am a hungry belly starving for sustenance
Through the eyes of the desperate man who sees the oasis
While the tigress drinks unafraid at the edge of the silent pool
The hand before it plucks the cord
The vibration of the piano key struck
Rose petals fall
As coffin lid clicks
Lifting up my eagle’s wings as I dash into the air current of love
Cracking like thunder with nothing but silence in my wake
I stretch beyond the hairs on the skin
My force felt as a blast from the great furnaces
Roaring into now
I am an explosion of life
Emotions or A Day at the Beach
Emotions. They are just waves. Like being a little kid at the beach. Those big waves were scary, until you realized no matter now many times they knocked you down, you got back up. And swallowing water didn’t kill you. And after a short bit you realized you could have fun with this. And maybe you started to swim or boogie board and eventually even surf. Your fear is just a fight or flight mechanism to keep you from being eaten by a saber toothed tiger. It’s a good emotion. It’s designed to keep you out of trouble. The feeling isn’t the problem. It’s your brain telling you that you are in danger of being eaten by something. Your job, a lover, financial ruin, global warming, bad breath… Whatever… It’s just your brain spinning a story. The feeling is your tip off you are telling yourself something that is not true. Unless of course you are on a plane about to crash into the ground or, well, there’s a big bear. When you feel strong emotions stop and ask yourself, “What story am I spinning to myself right now? What have I just been thinking about?” Then do yourself a big favor and remind yourself the feeling is just a wave. It won’t last, it won’t kill you and in a moment you are about to stand up and realize you are only in a foot of water.
Sacred Geometry: Photo Poem 10
What I love about this piece is its a cesspool. I’m sure the people who saw me crawl down to the sewer drain must have thought me mad, but I love the texture of this. Stone against cement, pouring out water that is so stagnant algae has grown upon the surface. Play with it and arrange the shapes and add color and you suddenly have a piece of sacred geometry that is erupting beautifully out of its history of waste, stagnation and eye sore. To me this is the power of photography and images. We can see beauty in what, at first glance was ugliness. Do this in your environment daily and you have developed a very powerful mindfulness practice. You are engaging in a form of meditation. You are freeing yourself from seeing only the rational world and opening yourself to the drive of creation and life itself. Namaste.
Inviting a Monkey to Tea
Off Cushion Study in Mindfulness Better Known as Inviting A Monkey to Tea
My mind wants to wander to that house problem.
I feel it pulling.
Did I start the dishwasher?
No, I don’t need to wander off.
Stay present.
Leaves are moving on the tree in my peripheral vision.
The cat yawns a lion’s roar.
What will I do with that carpet stain?
Ugh, that is not what is happening now.
Feet are cozy in socks.
Light falls across the windowpane.
Breakfast is warm in my belly.
Anticipation in my heart for art exhibit.
Muscles stretched in yoga.
What will I do about that house…
Ahhh, you wander, it’s okay that breakfast is still warm in your belly, go there.
Painting on wall is still my favorite.
Lines of room are soothing and peaceful.
House is quiet…
House… house… muscles are warm from yoga.
Air moves across my arm.
Mind is open to spirit.
Heart follows.
Heart…
Heart…
Begins with an H
Like house…






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